a · pretty · war

since then i have had
coffee-25cals
sugar free jello-5 cals
frozen dinner-210 cals
some cheese on top-25cals
mini piece of bread-50 cals
total 315 so far :(
its not even noon. i usually dont eat this much its just i am off today and have nothing to do so i think i need to eat, i dont though.

i did got for a 30 minute walk today, and ill walk again tonight and hopefully be able to skip dinner.

i may have a special k bar or hot chocolate so either 90 or 100 cals later this evening.

100 here i come!!

cereal-100 cals
soup-70cals
yogurt-60 cals
dinner- pizza, too many cals but purged.

gym burned 200 cals.

i am really amped for this gym thing. they weighed me and i am 123.

my goal weight is 100 so i have 23 ibs to drop and im hoping the gym will help.

i just get really uneasy at the gym and constantly feel like everyone is looking at me/judging me and i dont kow how to get over it.

earl grey vanilla tea with 1% milk 25cals
1/2 whole wheat pita toasted with 1/2 can of tuna and green onion 150 cals
green tea with lemon juice
2 nalgene bottles of water with crystal light 10cals
pasta for dinner- purged maybe 200 cals tops that i didnt get out.
approx. 385 cals total all day.

walked as well as did ab crunches.

today was one of the first days where i was home all day and did not get the urge to binge/purge. I did really good restricting all day.

man i just had a close call

i was in the washroom purging what i ate for lunch when my dad came home and walked inside and  i didnt hear him and he toally saw me. i said i was feeling ok but it was weird that i threw up and maybe i would take some pepto to calm my stomach. he totally believed me that i was just sick and i am so glad. i did however get most of my lunch up so that was good.
i have purged twice already today. eggs and toast for breakfest and now chickenfingers and kraft dinner for lunch. i dont know why i have been craving so much today i have been doing so well up until now.

not bad i guess.

tommorow i have school which means i will just drink coffee all day and i walk 20 minutes to and from school. i may have to have a handful of cereal and non fat milk at lunch so friends dont comment,

i am going out for dinner after with friends so i am going to order a salad with dressing on the side because i dont like dressing to begin with so iw ouldnt get it anyways  and just say that i had a big lunch.

i really need to buy a scale. my family doesnt really approve of them but i will just say its because its winter and i dont want to gain all my weight back this time.

off to do a bit of excersise before bed.

i feel so disgusted with myself that i cant give up food. like i need to eat dinner even though i purge it back up it just makes me feel satisfied.

i need to start doing major ab work because i have lost a lot of fat and now i have gross skin that makes my belly look bigger because its all stretched and needs to be firmed/smoothed out.

i had coffee and orange juice in the morning.
then a handful of cereal and non fat milk for lunch(hardly anything)
then i had fat free icecream in the afternoon(purged this though i just felt so disgusting for eatting it)
then for dinner all i had was a couple of bites of chicken breast.
then that evening i had a large mug of hot lemon water.

today will be a differant story as i am going out for dinner for my sisters birthday so that will definatly be purged as soon as i get home and i am going ot try and not eat throughout the day which is hard because i am home all day and tend to want to eat out of boredem.
i think i will just try and drink hot lemon water all day to keep myself thinking that i am consuming something.

as for thispitation i have started a book and started collecting pictures on my computer under a fashion file so that it just really looks like i like the pictures so noone thinks anything of it.

. 

a lot of people have been noticing my weight loss over the summer now that i am back at school. a lot have been commenting and my close friends seem to watch what i eat.

i am not even skinny which is insane.

5'1" and probably around 125(dont own a scale)
size 5/6 jeans.

i guess it is just a big change since when they lost saw me.

ok that is all.

i am starting to enjoy hunger pains which has never been the case in the past. i feel like i am accomplishing somehting which makes em really proud.